Detachment is an art essential for a happy relationship. When we envisage an intimate relationship, we imagine a bond inseparable and perennial. Doesn’t it sound more like Siamese twins? A healthy relationship is not based on obsessive attachment instead on a selective detachment. Space and distance can do wonders in a relationship. Detachment brings serenity to an association. It deters one from becoming entangled in the complexities of emotions. A mature and healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and trust. Reverence for each other is possible when we respect other’s boundaries while keeping our space intact million-dollar question how we reach a state of utter detachment while living in the world performing our duties
Detachment in Relationships
Detachment calls for specific skills. Little space allows both the partners to have their own time enabling a mature relationship. It improves the relationship by avoiding annoying emotional hang-ups. Any obsessive attachment is fatal to a growing relationship. When you start banking on the other for every need, you start expecting more leading to frustration. Attachment can be threating to our self-respect and inner peace. Detachment doesn’t mean one has to be devoid of any passion but being affectionate without depending on others for your happiness. Many relationships crumble under the heavy burdens of expectations and disappointments; a little distance helps one to be realistic.
Emotions & Detachment
Attachment is the cause of many negative emotions. Feelings of envy, rage and anxiety spring from an inherent fear of loss. When we are too attached to a person or an object, we become frightened of losing it. The constant paranoia of losing the thing we consider indispensable for our existence. A compulsive attachment springs from a sense of inferiority complex and inadequacy. A faulty perception that one is not sufficient enough and needs someone to define. This feeling of lack drives us to be attached to either a person, a relation, job or money. We realize our strength when we define ourselves outside the realms of relativity.
Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others is imperative. When we are obsessively attached to a person or an object, we tend to overdo to seek approval. In return, we also raise our expectations leading to anger and frustration. The cause of pain is expectations. Best way to avoid resentment and heartache is not to expect anything from anyone. It’s essential sometimes to take a step backward and take a more objective perspective. Detachment doesn’t imply being aloof from the person of interest instead it is all about being utterly unrifled by the outcome of an action.
Focus on Yourself
In our quest to seek answers to the questions that life throws at us, we pursue people and objects. But instead of chasing others we need to realize all the answers are within us. A detached awareness endows one with more understanding. It offers a clear vision of a situation; it helps one to focus objectively on the situation while knowing oneself. It is all about loving the other person while taking care of yourself. Spend some time with yourself, sit in stillness and do some introspection. Offering some time and space to your partner is never a bad idea, it allows some breathing time. Develop some hobbies or interest to keep your mind engaged and away from the mundane issues of the day.
A healthy detachment can lead to a mature and robust relationship. When you genuinely care for a person, you don’t encroach on his/her privacy. You will never trespass on the boundaries set by the person. In the words of great Gibran,
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.”