“To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.”
“To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.”
What evil dwells in men who lock up
their women in golden cages and deny them
the freedom which nature bestows upon them
the freewill which the lord rests on them
What kind of love justifies binding up feet
of their women so they can never walk freely,
strangulate their feelings so they never have any
dreams of liberation? They suffer silently with men
of such devilish brutality, for whom their wives
are just trophies and machines to bear children
which they threaten to take away because the
law is on their side and the house is on their land.
These wives are made to bow more and everyday
and any last vestige of shredded-esteem that is left
in the gaunt hollow body and parched heart is
trampled and crushed upon. Even the wisest and
fairest of damsels fall into the charms of these
kinds of brutes who walk ten feet in front of women,
for they are men and carry the burden of their mothers
while their women have already paid for six feet deep.
Their women smile and carefully mask their purplish
dark circles with concealers and expensive mascaras,
however the blueish veins still remain visible beneath
the six layers of dark makeup, The diamond ring
of unholy matrimony used as a bait to catch the
rare fish, digs deep in fragile fingers obstructing the flow
of any life present inside, the wedding gown lay hanging
of a bride who ordered a pretty shroud for herself.
Still these wives carry neat appearances and smile even
when chained with hot iron shackles of pride and disdain.
Thoughts of mercy- killing lingers and echos all the time
but still they carry on for the sake of the newborn babies,
they bear every-year with a single wish if they are born
as girls never to mistake brutes for men as their mothers did.
For she can have an unfortunate fate like mine or yours….
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
Shedding saline flowy tears
Once they tickle no more fears
Know that worst has passed
Gloom has just ended at last
Burdens of heart have lifted
All the ache has just drifted
Walk on unafraid without
The hurt of foes or friends
Be the captain of
Sail slowly in the direction
Of lucky star
Never be in haste
For slow and steady
Wins the race
March on fearless
Through the darkest alleys
Carrying the torch of
One God above
Fathers, lovers will
Try to hold on
Liberate yourself from
Shackles of their kinds
You are the mistress of
Your own fate
Never bow down to
The trying times
Never barter heart for
Don’t become an open
Book for world
Carry the essence
Of few mysteries in your heart
Never carry fragile
emotions on your sleeves
Preserve the innermost
At the core of your soul
Peel off the layers of
Go run naked
Under the blue sky
For the world is your abode
Mighty sky above
Humble earth beneath
Live your life to the fullest that’s
Your mother’s only
(I wrote this poem for my daughter, Trisha when she was six months, this was my advice to her in life)
Detachment is an art essential for a happy relationship. When we envisage an intimate relationship, we imagine a bond inseparable and perennial. Doesn’t it sound more like Siamese twins? A healthy relationship is not based on obsessive attachment instead on a selective detachment. Space and distance can do wonders in a relationship. Detachment brings serenity to an association. It deters one from becoming entangled in the complexities of emotions. A mature and healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and trust. Reverence for each other is possible when we respect other’s boundaries while keeping our space intact million-dollar question how we reach a state of utter detachment while living in the world performing our duties
Detachment calls for specific skills. Little space allows both the partners to have their own time enabling a mature relationship. It improves the relationship by avoiding annoying emotional hang-ups. Any obsessive attachment is fatal to a growing relationship. When you start banking on the other for every need, you start expecting more leading to frustration. Attachment can be threating to our self-respect and inner peace. Detachment doesn’t mean one has to be devoid of any passion but being affectionate without depending on others for your happiness. Many relationships crumble under the heavy burdens of expectations and disappointments; a little distance helps one to be realistic.
Attachment is the cause of many negative emotions. Feelings of envy, rage and anxiety spring from an inherent fear of loss. When we are too attached to a person or an object, we become frightened of losing it. The constant paranoia of losing the thing we consider indispensable for our existence. A compulsive attachment springs from a sense of inferiority complex and inadequacy. A faulty perception that one is not sufficient enough and needs someone to define. This feeling of lack drives us to be attached to either a person, a relation, job or money. We realize our strength when we define ourselves outside the realms of relativity.
Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others is imperative. When we are obsessively attached to a person or an object, we tend to overdo to seek approval. In return, we also raise our expectations leading to anger and frustration. The cause of pain is expectations. Best way to avoid resentment and heartache is not to expect anything from anyone. It’s essential sometimes to take a step backward and take a more objective perspective. Detachment doesn’t imply being aloof from the person of interest instead it is all about being utterly unrifled by the outcome of an action.
Focus on Yourself
In our quest to seek answers to the questions that life throws at us, we pursue people and objects. But instead of chasing others we need to realize all the answers are within us. A detached awareness endows one with more understanding. It offers a clear vision of a situation; it helps one to focus objectively on the situation while knowing oneself. It is all about loving the other person while taking care of yourself. Spend some time with yourself, sit in stillness and do some introspection. Offering some time and space to your partner is never a bad idea, it allows some breathing time. Develop some hobbies or interest to keep your mind engaged and away from the mundane issues of the day.
A healthy detachment can lead to a mature and robust relationship. When you genuinely care for a person, you don’t encroach on his/her privacy. You will never trespass on the boundaries set by the person. In the words of great Gibran,
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.”
Many of us have this weird habit of taking things personally. Let me give you an instance from my life the other day, my husband got up grumpy and started yelling at me. Despite knowing that it has nothing to do with me, I decided to confront him, and the situation got out of control. It completely spoilt my mood while my husband remained oblivious. Let me confess I am a hypersensitive individual who can take even a sneeze or a cough personally. Every time we react to someone’s grumpiness or awkward behavior we end up giving the power of our life to the person. While we burn in the inferno of our assumed indignation, the other might be completely clueless. We have spent many sleepless nights fretting over others opinion and fueling our rage. Ever wondered why we take things so personally? Is this mere ego or oversensitivity?
There are certain things and situations which are out of our control. We can’t correct and rectify other’s behavior and emotions but we can keep our response in check. Obsessively worrying about others opinions will yield only disappointment and heartache. It’s better to adopt a don’t care attitude towards others. Rather than focusing on others, it is better to reflect on our behavior and reactions. When someone misbehaves or use fouls language it reflects their character, not ours. Try to keep yourself busy and learn the art of ignoring small trivial matters.
It always pays to be understanding and compassionate. It’s not necessary that we always react at others wrong, sometimes it is better to put yourself in other’s shoes. Rather than getting into argument and confrontation, step aside and allow it to cool off. Try changing the focus of the confrontation. Once the rage settles down, try understanding the other person’s perspective while confiding your feelings. Cooling periods will allow you to keep in check your behavior and emotions too. Avoid kneejerk reactions to situations.
We define ourselves from the relationships we have in our lives. We depend on others to fulfill our emotional needs, which is the root cause of the trouble. When our partners are encouraging and loving we feel elated on the other hand their criticism can sting us badly. Rather than expecting others to make us happy lets simply stay emotionally independent. Create a personal boundary telling everyone that you will not put up with certain behavior. Boundaries can prevent you from getting entangled into unnecessary complications. If other person trespasses on your boundary and intimidates your or berate you simply cut off your ties.
Learn to focus on yourself rather than relying on others for your emotional needs. Self-worth is internal it has nothing to do with others. No one can make you feel small or embarrassed without your permission. Relationships play a significant role in our lives but let’s not define ourselves solely in relation to them. When we bank on ourselves for our happiness the external influences vanishes.
“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
Lately, everyone seems to be knowing what I should be doing in my life. It looks like there are a lot many experts on my life out there. I’ve been getting a lot of advice from motherhood to exercising to expenditure. It’s a good feeling to be having so many well-wishers around me, but sometimes it’s irksome. I’ve always had very less patience for people who are ready to offer advice at the drop of their hats. There is a type of people who are expert in giving advice no matter what. They can offer you advice on everything under the sun from science to religion. In their little brains, they are great connoisseurs of art, etymologists, linguists, perfumers scientists and many more. Mister Know -All or Ms. Know-All has lead a very rich life brimming with renaissance arts and inventions. A life modeled on the theosophic and pragmatic philosophies of Aristotle and Plato while your average life revolves around earning bread and butter. How ordinary?
We all have at least one Monseuir Know -All either in our families or at our work, who will not stop offering advice. His little brain seems to have decoded the secrets of every possible mystery hidden in the universe. If not on any other discipline he/she is surely an expert on your life. The mini Darwins as I like to call them, have expounded an evolutionist theory on your life from the cradle to the grave and everything that lies in between. While they are permitted to offer their pearls of wisdom through a divine right, you must behold your tongue since you are ignorant of your misdeeds. The sheer horror of their site makes you want to change the course of your discourse, alter the path to your cubicles and if necessary question the maker of your destiny. Question your lord, why did you drop this specimen of intelligence and beauty in my life? Is it to make me feel pathetic and miserable?
People who offer too many devices are failures in their respective fields. The advice is a way to exert their need for superiority in your life. I once had someone advise me on getting up early for a jog when I asked innocently is he getting up early, the answer was no. It was an expected answer, after all, someone who gets up at four to exercise, knows how difficult it is. They seem to be specialists in relationships too and know exactly how you can rectify relationship mistakes. But have a glance at their relationships, and you will realize their affairs are a complete train-wreck. The need to fulfill the void in their lives make them offer advice. It’s an act of masquerading where they try to conceal their follies and mistakes. The inbuilt insecurity and the perfect envy drives them to pretend that know everything about you and your not so picture-perfect lives.
It’s never wise to take an offense when you have someone giving you advice on a regular basis. At least this is what I’ve realized during my many encounters with such individuals. It’s perhaps more useful to understand the cause beneath their know-all façade. As you will get to know them, you will discover an injured soul or a disappointed life. Next time when you have a chance rendezvous with a habitual advice giver, don’t alter your path simply lend your ear and remember,
“Advisors are generally brilliant theoreticians but wretched practitioners.”
The new disciple is excited when he’s seeing the Master for the first time. He jumps at the opportunity and curiously asks, “How do you practice Tao, Sir?”
“When you are hungry, eat,” thoughtfully the master says, “When you are tired, sleep.”
The answer is astonishingly simple to the disciple, as he is expecting something sagacious. “Isn’t that what everyone does anyway, Sir?”
“No,” says the Master matter-of-factly, “Most people feed themselves with thousands of desires when they eat; and dream of thousands of designs when they sleep.”
Pondering deep. The disciple nods his head and is happy with the new insight.
Put others first.
Lao Tzu Tao Te Ching 19