The regal parade continues to march on.
Many who exist in silent, will reach the end.
Few Spirited ones will depart near the next turn.
Corpses will be shoved by the strapping boots.
Blood stains will rust up on the parched land.
The glorious spectacle is a site to behold.
The regal parade continues to march on.
I confess that I am a habitual brooder, I spent a large chunk of my day in thinking. Thinking or overthinking as one may prefer to call it, comes so naturally to me. Maybe I’ve inherited this rather weird habit from mother’s side who are all renowned overthinkers. Thinking is an addiction like any other. Many people think because they are simply addicted to it, and with time it becomes a habit hard to leave. Although it doesn’t seem like a fatal addiction, it can have serious consequences on one’s judgment. Chronic thinkers are masters in making a mountain out of a mole. With time their judgment gets impaired due to relentless brooding. Also overthinking is one of the major causes of depression. So is there a way to break this stubborn habit?
The mind can make a hell out of a heaven and a heaven out of a hell. When we obsessively brood, we assume the worst. Overthinkers are not the most positive people out there rather due to excessive thinking they turn everything negative. One way to deal with overthinking is staying aware of your thoughts. We know the value of being conscious of our words but do we realize the importance of keep track of our thoughts? In fact, our thoughts become the words we utter which manifest in our actions. The best way to keep unwanted thoughts at bay is to be mindful of them. Like all other addictions, over-thinking is hard to break, but with mindfulness and perseverance, one can achieve the desired goals.
Well if you want to think, try to think positive. Whenever you notice your thoughts steering in negative directions, think something positive. Remember a joyful moment or watch something which lifts your spirit. Most of us add fuel to the fire by fixing our minds on negatives. The moment you realize that your thoughts are turning towards something negative simply bring it to the present. Try to absorb all the positivity around instead of negativity. No matter, whatever happens, try to keep your thoughts pure and clean.
An idle mind is a perfect abode for the devil. The empty time in our lives eventually leads to overthinking. On the other hand, a busy life will keep all the unwanted thoughts at bay. The best cure for overthinking is keeping yourself busy. It will not only help you to get rid of the habit of brooding but will also keep you positive. A sluggish and lazy lifestyle will drive you on the self-destructive road of mindless overthinking. Engage yourself in activities that interest you, cultivate a hobby to keep yourself occupied.
Our thoughts can be either our best friends our worst foes. Thinking is not bad but it’s the overthinking which creates a situation which has not even taken place. Overthinking can ruin relationships, twist situations and impair our judgments. Let’s not create problems that are not there simply due to overthinking. Overthinking will never solve our troubles but will only create more.
“All we are is the result of all we have thought”
Buddha
“There is a battle between two wolves inside us, One is evil, it is anger jealousy greed, resentment lies, inferiority and ego. The other is good, its joy, peace, love hope, humility, kindness empathy and truth. The wolf that wins is the one you feed.”
Native American Proverb
Every day is a revelation, every passing moment a prophecy. The last couple of years in my life have been very eventful. I’ve landed on new horizons, made new acquaintances and tasted distinct cuisines. All experiences have taught me something new. I’ve come in contact with different individuals, some have left for good and some will always linger on for good. But there is a category of individuals who are very trying and test your patience level to extreme either through their venom-laden tongues or sadistic behavior. Now here I must take the opportunity for expressing my heartfelt gratitude towards such noble souls for they have taught me a valuable lesson that when you stop reacting they stop provoking.
Newton’s Third Law states that ” For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” It’s such a beautiful law with enormous wisdom. When there is an action there is reaction simple yet so profound. Have you realized that even the breath that you inhale has a reaction? Something as mundane as a flapping of a bird’s wings accounts for a counter-response, how amazing. I have tried to apply this law to a few of my relatives, co-workers, and boss( toxic one) that if I react to their gibberish there would be more provocation coming my way. On the other hand, if I stop reacting there is no chance of any provoking. We all have people in our lives who get on our nerves, beneath our skins. People who derive pleasure out of our fall. They become our triggers, the more we acknowledge them worse it is for us.
I have been an angry person and very quick to outbursts. As time passed, my outbursts became predictable, the irony is everyone could see them coming apart from me. Years of emotional pain and perceived wrongs had me struggling with my eruptions. But this behavior of mine needed to change because I’ve had enough of people commenting on my foul temper. One of the techniques that helped me control my mood upheavals was being mindful. Whenever I get angry or anxious, I simply watch my breath and it helps me to shift my mind off the situations and people and keeps me calmer. There is no religion or confusing metaphysics here but a simple fact, live in the moment and enjoy! Breathing is a fundamental fact of life when things go hay-wire just come back to the basic.
We all have our hot buttons which when pushed make us react, it is but natural. We can’t avoid certain situations and people. The key is to identify the triggers which lead to reactions. Self-awareness and mindful breathing can help us to control our emotions.
“It’s all about finding the calm in the chaos”
Donna Karen
“Ego is just like the dust in the eyes without clearing the dust we can’t see anything clearly, so clear the ego and see the world.”
Buddha
We dwell in our tiny selfish world of me and myself. A world where self-centeredness and egotism prevails, where we consider ourselves as the sole makers of our own destiny. This focus on self and only self-leads to a confused version of oneself. In simpler words, it gives birth to the ego. What is an ego? Ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or image. Our egos make us feel important, desired, wanted… It’s a concocted self, based on our false belief and faith. Ego is not who we are in reality but how we want to be. Ego is not the voice of our true self rather it is the voice of our insecurities. It’s an illusion of self largely crafted out of fear.
According to Freud, the human personality is composed of three interacting agents, Ego, Super-Ego and Id. Id is wild and instinctual, Ego is organized and realistic and superego plays the role of moral custodian. The Ego oscillates between Id and super-ego, which results in complex human behavior. In Buddhism, Ego is considered the root cause of all suffering. The constant sense of disappointment and pain spring out of a fragile ego. Ego along with anger and hate is considered a vice, an enemy within the soul which needs to be conquered. Gautum Buddha emphasized that for the soul to be awakened, ego must die. Human life is transitory and much of our suffering comes from clinging to the ego. Ego is a false psychological construct, its an illusion or ‘maya’. The role of maya is to seduce humans by luring them into the complexities of worldliness.
I must confess that I’ve spent many sleepless nights burning in the inferno of anger. I’ve fanaticised taking supreme vengeance on my foes, tried to soothe my battered ego by feeding it with more venom. And the result had been more pain and heartache. The more I boosted my ego more anxious I became. I couldn’t liberate my mind of all the negative comments, incidents and people. It was a constant struggle until I started practicing meditation. What I realized was shocking, situations and people were not always as bad as I perceived it to be. It was my frail ego which propelled me in the direction of further negativity. Suddenly I could understand the real cause of my restlessness and feelings of constant dejection and despair. My biggest foe lies within me, it was my own concocted self-image. There was this unpenetrable shield between me and the world, which didn’t allow me to experience life in its full glory. My own false vanity and pride alienated me from the truth. I realized what Buddha said thousands of centuries ago sitting under the Bodhi tree,
“The death of the ego will be the beginning of your real self”
Ever wondered how Jacqueline Kennedy managed to look so chick and classic midst all tragic circumstances befallen upon her. My mother always seems so prim and proper despite tough times. One of the most important lessons my mom has taught me is to look presentable in all situations. Growing up I didn’t understand the value of her advice until I found myself gasping for breath in the wild world. Looking good not only enhances your self-esteem which further helps you to deal with unpleasant situations. Beauty goes skin deep, as regular exercise and nutrition are pivotal in yielding good results.
Beauty is not evil nor its wrong. Taking care of your looks and body requires intelligence and awareness. Your body is like a temple how well you take care of it depends upon you. I agree that obsessing over beauty due to narcissism and societal pressure is wrong but abandoning it altogether is equally sacrilegious in my eyes. Fit body and clear skin are signs of good health. We cannot deny the importance of aesthetics in our lives. We spend many hours decorating our houses with different artifacts and figurines so that it looks beautiful. We can not deny the significance of aesthetics in our lives.
Let’s be honest, we all cant look like Gigi Hadid or Cindy Crawford. But we can’t deny the fact that in today’s competitive world looks matter. No, I am not asking you to look like a supermodel to be accepted and approved. But merely stating that our appearance plays a significant role in how others perceive us. If you go for an interview disheveled and shabby, chances of your selection are almost negligible on the other hand if you are well dressed and fit you might catch the eyes We are naturally drawn to things which are pleasing to our eyes, whether a beautiful child or vibrant flower. When you are neat and tidy, it indirectly tells the other person that you respect yourself. On the other hand, if you are dressed in loose trousers, jodhpurs or plunging necklines you might end up signaling your casual approach towards life.
We all have our shares of up and down. None of us can escape the harsh realities of lives, whether a bad breakup or losing on a deserving promotion. But life never stops nor should our zeal to look good. In fact, looking good can make you feel positive despite all the miseries in your life. Hard times are inevitable but an optimistic attitude coupled with a healthy lifestyle can help us to deal with them. Looking good is not about wearing Gucci or Armani, or spending dollars on branded cosmetics but its all about keeping oneself neat and fit. Turbulent times can drive a person towards binge eating or sulk, but we must ensure that no matter what we will not give up on ourselves.
Keats rightly said, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” Aesthetics and beauty play an important role in our lives. Beauty in every form whether in mother nature or fellow humans tends to make us feel good. A tint of crimson color on your check or a fruity fragrance can make you feel elated even in the most difficult circumstances.
We all have had a tryst with the toxic people, either at home or work. They are best in spreading their negativity all around. Toxic people are the very embodiment of negativity. The whole endeavor of their existence is to spread toxic fumes in the atmosphere through mean and nasty behavior. They are Sadists to the core and enjoy inflicting pain on others either verbally or physically. They are master manipulators and avoid taking responsibility for their wrongs. No matter how many times you promise yourself that you will not get irritated or provoked, you end up getting frustrated.
I’ve someone in my family, who always gets on my nerves through his sheer negativity. The person of concern won’t leave any opportunity to criticize others. The whole atmosphere around him turns so poisonous and noxious. Gradually one loses the battle with humble old patients. We can’t avoid such people from coming into our lives, and that’s the hardest part. They can be our family members or a colleague at work or an annoying neighbor. How to cope with them is the million-dollar question?
Behind all the negativity and toxicity lies a wounded heart. When someone condescendingly talks to you or looks down on you, it’s primarily because of his/her inferiority. Human beings are byproducts of their experiences and circumstances. Few unfortunate ones are sown in venom hence bear fruits laden with poison. Toxic people have been subjected to constant criticism in their childhood. They have a history of abuse and mistreatment. Because of their low self-image, they try to bully others when they grow up. Since their hearts are devoid of love and respect, they are unable to offer the same. Through mocking and criticism, they try to fill up the void in their lives. A negative person is a weak individual ridden with all kinds of complexes and guilts. You have someone whose self-image has been severely wounded as a child. The nasty and offensive behavior spring out of subsidiarity and inadequacy.
Don’t take their venomous words personally no matter what. The key advice while dealing with toxic individuals is not taking their behavior seriously. You are in no way responsible for their rude and obnoxious behavior. Rather it’s a result of their low self-worth. Since such individuals are victims of their inferiority complex, they try to bring the other down to their level. The sadistic pleasure they drive depends on how the other reacts. Once one stops reacting, they are left powerless. In many ways, it’s a mind game, where one tries to provoke the other. Once you understand this mental game, you can easily ignore any insolent behavior. When confronted with someone of rude disposition, remember not to react. If in case you find yourself in a predicament where a family member is toxic, stay aloof and dignified.
Toxic individuals yearn for drama, by not responding you refuse to be part of it. They are energy vampire and can suck up all your positive energy. Maintain a safe distance with them and never get into an argument with them. Always surround yourself with positive and happy people. However, if you can’t avoid them simply bear in mind that their behavior has nothing to do with you. Rather than getting angry, sympathize with them. Make an effort to look behind the nasty attitude, and you will discover an injured soul.
In no other century, have women had so much on our platter as in the twenty-first century? In old times, a woman’s role and behavior were established by the society. The conventional woman was trained to be a good wife and a moral custodian. Her world revolved around her husband and children. She didn’t have a real job outside the home. Modern women through successful by the professional standards are grappling with a myriad of issues. Many women are battling depression and obesity. In developing countries, women are still struggling to find a fair footing. How does a woman protect her grace and dignity in such trying times? How does one become a woman of substance?
The golden role is to treat others the way you want yourself to be treated. Be the change that you want to see in others. If you expect others to offer you respect then you will have to offer the similar courtesy to them. Is there any woman out there who wants to be treated rudely, my guess is no. A woman of substance is never rude and impolite to others. She is never mean and will treat others with kindness and compassion. She leads by example in both her speech and actions.
You must have heard the phrase act like a woman and think like a man, haven’t you? A woman of substance is one who acts like a woman and thinks like a woman. She is perfectly comfortable in her skin and control of her emotions. They don’t have to behave like a man to be accepted or approved. She considers her femininity as an asset and takes pride in its subtle strength. Also, she is neither defensive or combative about herself, instead, she exudes great confidence and poise.
There is something alarming when one woman demeans the another. We live in a male-dominated world steeped in patriarchy; it’s disheartening to see many women becoming agents of such patriarchy. A dignified woman will never take the joy out of other woman’s misery. The world will become a better place if women of all casts and creed come together to support each other. Rather than bashing each other, we should live as soul sisters.
We, women, have always adorned the role of nurturer and a caretaker in the society. It is then an irony that we don’t take care of our needs. A woman of substance is not only cognizant of the needs of others but is also aware of her requirements. She takes care of herself both physically and mentally. She is confident and carries herself with dignity and grace.
Let’s not feel guilty about our flaws but embrace them. No one is perfect in this world; human beings are bound to make mistakes. A mature woman accepts her shortcomings and welcomes constructive criticism. She doesn’t focus on other’s imperfections and concentrates on the good. She considers life as a learning process and leads an enriching life. A woman of substance is confident and exudes positivity. She knows her mind and treats everyone with respect and kindness. There is no instructional guide that we can follow and become a woman who is admired.
Pluck the day so proclaimed the great Roman poet Horace. Indeed, life is all about seizing small moments of happiness. Carpedium, the word introduced to me in English classes is forever etched in my mind. Ironically, we spend most of our time waiting for big things to happen but the real joy is in the fleeting moments. When was the last time that you experienced true happiness? Was it something over extraordinary? I bet it was over something mundane and ordinary. Happiness doesn’t come in big packages but in small parcels sealed with love. The problem with most of us is we don’t know how to conquer unhappiness in us. A large chunk of our life withers away waiting for happiness to occur. But happiness doesn’t happen nor can be created rather it is to be recognized. It’s the moments of joy which makes life worth living. Tiny moments like droplets of rain make our lives fertile and vibrant.
Happiness is enjoying little bounties that life offers us. It’s is in the simplest of things that joy manifests itself. A face of an innocent kid or a warm smile on your partner’s face is enough to light up any day. Our entire education system is based on success, it is steeped in our brains that one can be happier only if one attains some high pedestal in life. If material success is the only parameter to be happy, then why are so many celebrities unhappy? Despite all the riches and fame, we often read about celebs committing suicides and their addiction to drugs. The fact is material success and recognition cannot guarantee happiness in life. Revisit your childhood and try to remember things that used to make you happy. Something as simple as going to your favorite ice-cream parlor or getting a new bike for your birthday was enough to make you ecstatic. But then as we grow up our inner zeal to get happy gets brutally crushed under the heavy burdens of expectations and commitments. Happiness never vanishes but it’s our zeal to be happy which abandons us in our dreary lives.
Do you express gratitude for the luxuries that you enjoy in your life? Are you a thankful person or a whiner whose only job is to nag? In a pursuit of having more in our lives, we take simple pleasures that we relish every day for granted. Gratitude is the first and the only step to be happy in life. Be grateful for little things that you have in your life while others are struggling to have them. Appreciation will open your gates to the joy you never felt before. “Joy is the simplest form of gratitude” as Karl Barth put it. Start your day with gratitude for everything you have in your life. Appreciate gestures of kindness and care. We don’t often thank our family and friends for their valuable contributions to our lives.
When you seek life in small little things, it becomes more joyous. It is in the small acts that true happiness lies. Be the first to say thank you whenever someone does something for you. Last but the most important, thank God for everything in your life. Remember a thankful heart is a happy heart. Don’t waste your time waiting for bigger things to happen rather appreciate the ordinary, the mundane. It is these little moments of happiness that make life worth living.
