Tag: Happiness

wedding
Humour, life

Wish Something Do Us Apart ( humor)

Tanya'sopinion

Auspicious rings are exchanged holy priest

with a same weird slurp proclaims

them man & wife, little did they

they know, the perpetual struggle

is the fate they signed for.

 

From now on they are soul mates

in epic fashions of their parents who

till lived agreed on almost nothing,

It’s all but the lawful decree…

 

After years of challenge against a planned

disregard, one will succumb take a

beat and offer incessant yeses

impromptu head-nodes, several 

conceited smiles, a reassurance

that I am still listening,

 

An affirmation that the ring from Christies

is still shining bright, then there are days

of extortions, money- launderings  just

when situation seems under control

bachelor St. Valentines is approaching

with 1000-dollar bills…

 

More blackmails and menaces are insight

monstrous-in-law are heard knocking

on the front-doors, opportunist kids

slid through back-doors waiting for

the right moment, siding always

with the opposite party.

 

Finally silent negotiations are made on 

the dinner tables, where sizzling hot

pies are served, each disgruntled

soul thinking I deserve the best

piece of that pie…

Silence
feminine, Love, Nature, poetry

Hundred Years of Silences

Tanya'sopinion

A blind woman I wandered

in the shadowy woods, oblivious

of the shades of my emotions

as I left behind the years of eerie

silences, unspoken verses,

random sentiments…

only to exhume hues of pinks,

blues, blacks and grays buried

alive in the unfathomable pits of

heart, unearthed the rusty clots

and residual tissues from the

bony emaciated rib-cage to

set them free in the translucent

liquids to flow in vast abyss

while listening to faint whispers

from my heart between the

chasms of two throbbing beats;

Shh! Let it go…

Let it go…

Let it go…Shh!

Hundred years of silences..

 

 

 

 

 

Rendezvous
feminine, Love, Nature, poetry

Rendezvous With Mrs.Kim

Tanya'sopinion

A rare rendezvous with one Mrs. Kim

Oh boy!  Oh boy!

how she liked to gleam,

nevertheless, of what weather was like

life for her was always a joy-ride.

 

She liked to ballet and way she moved

the gloomy northern winds also grooved

an enchantress of some exquisite kind

she sure was a sultrous a real dyme

 

She was always the talk of the town

humble men besotted gave her a crown

cruel fate never made her back down

her tale was not the happy kinds

 

Mrs. Kim’s man had never been found

he went far-off never to turn around

left her no shillings not even a single dime

 

Then they were those who frowned

yet roamed in expensive gowns

plagued for pleasures they lacked

 

As for Mrs. Kim, she just laughed till

her heart’s desire with never any ill will

and lived a life, full of child’s thrill

 

A rare rendezvous with Mrs. Kim

Oh boy! Oh boy!

how she liked to gleam.

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How To Stop Over Thinking

Tanya'sopinion

I confess that I am a habitual brooder, I spent a large chunk of my day in thinking. Thinking or overthinking as one may prefer to call it, comes so naturally to me. Maybe I’ve inherited this rather weird habit from mother’s side who are all renowned overthinkers. Thinking is an addiction like any other. Many people think because they are simply addicted to it, and with time it becomes a habit hard to leave. Although it doesn’t seem like a fatal addiction, it can have serious consequences on one’s judgment. Chronic thinkers are masters in making a mountain out of a mole. With time their judgment gets impaired due to relentless brooding. Also overthinking is one of the major causes of depression. So is there a way to break this stubborn habit?

Be Mindful of Your Thoughts

The mind can make a hell out of a heaven and a heaven out of a hell.  When we obsessively brood, we assume the worst. Overthinkers are not the most positive people out there rather due to excessive thinking they turn everything negative. One way to deal with overthinking is staying aware of your thoughts. We know the value of being conscious of our words but do we realize the importance of keep track of our thoughts? In fact, our thoughts become the words we utter which manifest in our actions. The best way to keep unwanted thoughts at bay is to be mindful of them. Like all other addictions, over-thinking is hard to break, but with mindfulness and perseverance, one can achieve the desired goals.

Think Positive

Well if you want to think, try to think positive. Whenever you notice your thoughts steering in negative directions, think something positive. Remember a joyful moment or watch something which lifts your spirit. Most of us add fuel to the fire by fixing our minds on negatives. The moment you realize that your thoughts are turning towards something negative simply bring it to the present. Try to absorb all the positivity around instead of negativity. No matter, whatever happens, try to keep your thoughts pure and clean.

An Idle Mind Is A Devil’s Workshop

An idle mind is a perfect abode for the devil. The empty time in our lives eventually leads to overthinking. On the other hand, a busy life will keep all the unwanted thoughts at bay. The best cure for overthinking is keeping yourself busy. It will not only help you to get rid of the habit of brooding but will also keep you positive. A sluggish and lazy lifestyle will drive you on the self-destructive road of mindless overthinking. Engage yourself in activities that interest you, cultivate a hobby to keep yourself occupied.

Our thoughts can be either our best friends our worst foes. Thinking is not bad but it’s the overthinking which creates a situation which has not even taken place. Overthinking can ruin relationships, twist situations and impair our judgments. Let’s not create problems that are not there simply due to overthinking. Overthinking will never solve our troubles but will only create more.

“All we are is the result of all we have thought”

Buddha 

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Strength In Silence

Tanya'sopinion

“Those who are quiet value the words. When their task is completed, people will say: We did it ourselves.”

 -Lao Tzu

In our culture, we are taught the value of speaking our minds. I have never been afraid to utter what I feel. Hailing from a culture where women are denied a voice and looked down when they share an opinion, for me the most courageous act was to speak up. I did speak a lot much to the annoyance of others. I was always quick to react and respond, that was the mantra I lived by. But lately, I’ve realized that speaking your mind always doesn’t work. Sometimes maintaining silence is the best policy. Peace never comes from speaking but only from silence. But to many habitual speakers like me out there, silence doesn’t come easy. The temptation to talk, give back, respond, and react is intense. So why is silence important?

Why is Silence Important?

There is enormous strength in silence. When we maintain a pure silence, everyone around starts taking notice. Words never draw people towards you, its always the stillness. When I say silence, I don’t mean indifference or any form of passive aggressive behavior but a serene calmness. The peaceful tranquility of soul attracts the whole cosmos, try it for yourself. Take out some time from your busy day, sit under a tree or by the lake or a river, practice any meditation technique and sit silently. Once you sit still and your mind is calmer you will discover that trees, birds, river everyone is trying to say something. Nature will reveal to you its most sacred wisdom in the fluttering of leaves, the cooing of birds, in the howling of winds. When the speaker in you dies, the listener in you takes birth.

Don’t Reveal the Secrets of Your Heart

Every heart has secrets; every soul has mysteries, when we start taking pleasure in non-stop chatters we risk revealing what’s most precious to us. Of course, I don’t wish that you should become an unfathomable enigma but a little mystery is always good.

“If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

-Khalil Gibran

When you become an open book for the world to read, you lose your treasured privacy. Allow others to decipher you, let them take their time. Keep some secrets and mysteries to yourself. Let them be with you in your heart and carry them like companions when you embark on a journey from this world to another.

Conflict Resolution

History has been a witness that most of the battles were fought over words. One can avoid unnecessary complexities by simply staying silent. Don’t drain your energy by getting into mindless gossips and arguments. The fact is endless talking leads to gossiping and bitching, which is simply a waste of time. Every time we talk no matter how careful we are, we unconsciously end up saying hurtful words. It’s more rewarding to be a compassionate listener than a mindless speaker. In the heat of the moment try to stay calm and collected, your cool demeanor is enough to resolve any conflict.

Keeping A Silence Fast

The million-dollar question is how to maintain silence? Talking is an addiction to many of us, I’ve had times when I’ve literally chocked with words sometimes out of indignation and others out of mere impatience. One technique that has really worked for me is keeping a silence fast. It’s a very simple and age-old practice, taking a vow to be silent. The vow can be taken in your mind or if that doesn’t work you can be more dramatic or ritualistic. I have a small temple in my room, where I take my vow of silence (often when I have an argument with my husband) The duration of the fast is completely your discretion. A twenty-four hour fast is the most effective but if it’s not for you feasible chose any time of the day and be quiet. You can let your family and friends know about your fast.

Take your fast seriously please don’t talk in sign languages or write stuff on a piece of paper. I once had a friend who would religiously keep the fast but always had a pen and paper near him to jot down stuff. It’s a sacred vow so please don’t cheat (although we all cheat, it’s tempting). As time will pass you will get better in it and the temptation to speak will wither away.  Silence will open a world of enormous joy and pleasure, you will not seek any human company.

“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor in translation.”

 – Rumi

 

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Why You Should Shun Your Ego

Tanya'sopinion

“Ego is just like the dust in the eyes without clearing the dust we can’t see anything clearly, so clear the ego and see the world.”

Buddha

We dwell in our tiny selfish world of me and myself.  A world where self-centeredness and egotism prevails, where we consider ourselves as the sole makers of our own destiny.   This focus on self and only self-leads to a confused version of oneself. In simpler words, it gives birth to the ego. What is an ego? Ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or image. Our egos make us feel important, desired, wanted… It’s a concocted self, based on our false belief and faith. Ego is not who we are in reality but how we want to be. Ego is not the voice of our true self rather it is the voice of our insecurities. It’s an illusion of self largely crafted out of fear.

 Freud and Buddha

According to Freud, the human personality is composed of three interacting agents, Ego, Super-Ego and Id. Id is wild and instinctual, Ego is organized and realistic and superego plays the role of moral custodian. The Ego oscillates between Id and super-ego, which results in complex human behavior.  In Buddhism, Ego is considered the root cause of all suffering. The constant sense of disappointment and pain spring out of a fragile ego. Ego along with anger and hate is considered a vice, an enemy within the soul which needs to be conquered. Gautum Buddha emphasized that for the soul to be awakened, ego must die. Human life is transitory and much of our suffering comes from clinging to the ego. Ego is a false psychological construct, its an illusion or ‘maya’. The role of maya is to seduce humans by luring them into the complexities of worldliness.

Ego Root Cause Of Suffering

I must confess that I’ve spent many sleepless nights burning in the inferno of anger. I’ve fanaticised taking supreme vengeance on my foes, tried to soothe my battered ego by feeding it with more venom. And the result had been more pain and heartache. The more I boosted my ego more anxious I became. I couldn’t liberate my mind of all the negative comments, incidents and people. It was a constant struggle until I started practicing meditation. What I realized was shocking, situations and people were not always as bad as I perceived it to be. It was my frail ego which propelled me in the direction of further negativity. Suddenly I could understand the real cause of my restlessness and feelings of constant dejection and despair. My biggest foe lies within me, it was my own concocted self-image. There was this unpenetrable shield between me and the world, which didn’t allow me to experience life in its full glory. My own false vanity and pride alienated me from the truth.  I realized what Buddha said thousands of centuries ago sitting under the Bodhi tree,

“The death of the ego will be the beginning of your real self”

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Importance of Looking Good in Hard Times

Tanya'sopinion

Ever wondered how Jacqueline Kennedy managed to look so chick and classic midst all tragic circumstances befallen upon her. My mother always seems so prim and proper despite tough times. One of the most important lessons my mom has taught me is to look presentable in all situations. Growing up I didn’t understand the value of her advice until I found myself gasping for breath in the wild world. Looking good not only enhances your self-esteem which further helps you to deal with unpleasant situations. Beauty goes skin deep, as regular exercise and nutrition are pivotal in yielding good results.

Is Beauty Superficial

Beauty is not evil nor its wrong. Taking care of your looks and body requires intelligence and awareness. Your body is like a temple how well you take care of it depends upon you. I agree that obsessing over beauty due to narcissism and societal pressure is wrong but abandoning it altogether is equally sacrilegious in my eyes. Fit body and clear skin are signs of good health. We cannot deny the importance of aesthetics in our lives. We spend many hours decorating our houses with different artifacts and figurines so that it looks beautiful. We can not deny the significance of aesthetics in our lives.

Appearance Matters

Let’s be honest, we all cant look like Gigi Hadid or Cindy Crawford. But we can’t deny the fact that in today’s competitive world looks matter. No, I am not asking you to look like a supermodel to be accepted and approved. But merely stating that our appearance plays a significant role in how others perceive us. If you go for an interview disheveled and shabby, chances of your selection are almost negligible on the other hand if you are well dressed and fit you might catch the eyes We are naturally drawn to things which are pleasing to our eyes, whether a beautiful child or vibrant flower. When you are neat and tidy, it indirectly tells the other person that you respect yourself.  On the other hand, if you are dressed in loose trousers, jodhpurs or plunging necklines you might end up signaling your casual approach towards life.

Hard Times

We all have our shares of up and down. None of us can escape the harsh realities of lives, whether a bad breakup or losing on a deserving promotion. But life never stops nor should our zeal to look good. In fact, looking good can make you feel positive despite all the miseries in your life. Hard times are inevitable but an optimistic attitude coupled with a healthy lifestyle can help us to deal with them. Looking good is not about wearing Gucci or Armani, or spending dollars on branded cosmetics but its all about keeping oneself neat and fit. Turbulent times can drive a person towards binge eating or sulk, but we must ensure that no matter what we will not give up on ourselves.

Keats rightly said, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” Aesthetics and beauty play an important role in our lives.  Beauty in every form whether in mother nature or fellow humans tends to make us feel good. A tint of crimson color on your check or a fruity fragrance can make you feel elated even in the most difficult circumstances.

 

 

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The Art Of Dealing With Toxic People

Tanya'sopinion

We all have had a tryst with the toxic people, either at home or work. They are best in spreading their negativity all around. Toxic people are the very embodiment of negativity. The whole endeavor of their existence is to spread toxic fumes in the atmosphere through mean and nasty behavior. They are Sadists to the core and enjoy inflicting pain on others either verbally or physically. They are master manipulators and avoid taking responsibility for their wrongs. No matter how many times you promise yourself that you will not get irritated or provoked, you end up getting frustrated.

I’ve someone in my family, who always gets on my nerves through his sheer negativity. The person of concern won’t leave any opportunity to criticize others. The whole atmosphere around him turns so poisonous and noxious. Gradually one loses the battle with humble old patients. We can’t avoid such people from coming into our lives, and that’s the hardest part. They can be our family members or a colleague at work or an annoying neighbor. How to cope with them is the million-dollar question?

Understanding The Psyche Of Toxic People

Behind all the negativity and toxicity lies a wounded heart. When someone condescendingly talks to you or looks down on you, it’s primarily because of his/her inferiority. Human beings are byproducts of their experiences and circumstances. Few unfortunate ones are sown in venom hence bear fruits laden with poison. Toxic people have been subjected to constant criticism in their childhood. They have a history of abuse and mistreatment.  Because of their low self-image, they try to bully others when they grow up. Since their hearts are devoid of love and respect, they are unable to offer the same.  Through mocking and criticism, they try to fill up the void in their lives. A negative person is a weak individual ridden with all kinds of complexes and guilts. You have someone whose self-image has been severely wounded as a child. The nasty and offensive behavior spring out of subsidiarity and inadequacy.

Learning To Deal With Toxic Individuals

Don’t take their venomous words personally no matter what. The key advice while dealing with toxic individuals is not taking their behavior seriously. You are in no way responsible for their rude and obnoxious behavior. Rather it’s a result of their low self-worth. Since such individuals are victims of their inferiority complex, they try to bring the other down to their level. The sadistic pleasure they drive depends on how the other reacts. Once one stops reacting, they are left powerless. In many ways, it’s a mind game, where one tries to provoke the other. Once you understand this mental game, you can easily ignore any insolent behavior. When confronted with someone of rude disposition, remember not to react.  If in case you find yourself in a predicament where a family member is toxic, stay aloof and dignified.

Toxic individuals yearn for drama, by not responding you refuse to be part of it. They are energy vampire and can suck up all your positive energy. Maintain a safe distance with them and never get into an argument with them.  Always surround yourself with positive and happy people. However, if you can’t avoid them simply bear in mind that their behavior has nothing to do with you. Rather than getting angry, sympathize with them. Make an effort to look behind the nasty attitude, and you will discover an injured soul.

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http://www.deliberatemagazine.com/how-little-moments-of-happiness-can-make-life-worth-living/

Tanya'sopinion

Pluck the day so proclaimed the great Roman poet Horace. Indeed, life is all about seizing small moments of happiness. Carpedium, the word introduced to me in English classes is forever etched in my mind. Ironically, we spend most of our time waiting for big things to happen but the real joy is in the fleeting moments. When was the last time that you experienced true happiness? Was it something over extraordinary? I bet it was over something mundane and ordinary. Happiness doesn’t come in big packages but in small parcels sealed with love. The problem with most of us is we don’t know how to conquer unhappiness in us. A large chunk of our life withers away waiting for happiness to occur. But happiness doesn’t happen nor can be created rather it is to be recognized. It’s the moments of joy which makes life worth living. Tiny moments like droplets of rain make our lives fertile and vibrant.

Enjoying Little Things In Life

Happiness is enjoying little bounties that life offers us. It’s is in the simplest of things that joy manifests itself. A face of an innocent kid or a warm smile on your partner’s face is enough to light up any day. Our entire education system is based on success, it is steeped in our brains that one can be happier only if one attains some high pedestal in life. If material success is the only parameter to be happy, then why are so many celebrities unhappy? Despite all the riches and fame, we often read about celebs committing suicides and their addiction to drugs. The fact is material success and recognition cannot guarantee happiness in life. Revisit your childhood and try to remember things that used to make you happy. Something as simple as going to your favorite ice-cream parlor or getting a new bike for your birthday was enough to make you ecstatic. But then as we grow up our inner zeal to get happy gets brutally crushed under the heavy burdens of expectations and commitments. Happiness never vanishes but it’s our zeal to be happy which abandons us in our dreary lives.

Be Grateful For Everything

Do you express gratitude for the luxuries that you enjoy in your life? Are you a thankful person or a whiner whose only job is to nag? In a pursuit of having more in our lives, we take simple pleasures that we relish every day for granted. Gratitude is the first and the only step to be happy in life. Be grateful for little things that you have in your life while others are struggling to have them. Appreciation will open your gates to the joy you never felt before. “Joy is the simplest form of gratitude” as Karl Barth put it. Start your day with gratitude for everything you have in your life. Appreciate gestures of kindness and care. We don’t often thank our family and friends for their valuable contributions to our lives.

When you seek life in small little things, it becomes more joyous. It is in the small acts that true happiness lies. Be the first to say thank you whenever someone does something for you.  Last but the most important, thank God for everything in your life. Remember a thankful heart is a happy heart.  Don’t waste your time waiting for bigger things to happen rather appreciate the ordinary, the mundane. It is these little moments of happiness that make life worth living.