“You can’t handle that child” these words by an aunt literally broke my heart. Worst words have been said over the course of thirty years but nothing cut me as deep as those. I knew she didn’t mean it but it really hurt me. What’s about motherhood that makes us mothers so touchy? Are the virtues of sacrifice and surrender in motherhood overrated? Have we kept the standards for ourselves very high? In our quest to become good mothers to our children, we often put ourselves down.
It is true that a mother plays a significant role in the emotional and physical development of a child but the parameters of a good mother are set so high that sometimes young mothers find it almost impossible to reach. Who has set these standards? I am sure it can’t be a mother but someone who didn’t know the ABC’s of motherhood and its challenges. The question is how much is enough, why is the guilt associated with motherhood so pervasive? I remember when I became a mother everyone was out there giving me suggestions on motherhood, even a random person on the road would end up correcting me.
Have A Time For Yourself
Our society is very judgmental towards young mothers. As a young mother, I feel as if I am under scrutiny all the time. The other day I was doing cardio in the gym when I realized I’ve been exercising for forty minutes. Panic set in thinking that I’ve spent forty minutes on myself, which I could have spent with my young daughter. But then I brushed aside all such thoughts and concentrated on my exercise. It’s important to have some time for yourself, it helps to recharge batteries. Don’t let others opinions affect your mood, no one knows your child better than you.
Set Realistic Goals
A perfect mother is one who laughs and plays. You don’t have to adorn the robe of a superwoman and be hard on yourselves. Rather be playful and easy with yourself. Motherhood is a joyful experience and you should enjoy every moment of it. Children grow so fast, hence rather than fretting over mistakes, enjoy the experience. Be realistic with yourself and don’t let the precious time with your child slip away in vain thoughts.
Don’t Judge Yourself
You need to stop judging your parenting skills. You don’t have to be on your toes to satisfy your child’s desires. All they need is love and care. So stop being harsh on yourself instead focus on positives. It’s ok to make mistakes, no one is perfect. Parenting is all about the learning, it requires patience and time. Constant judging will make it harder for yourself and for your children.
Remember having a child is the most beautiful feeling in the world don’t mar it by unwanted thoughts of guilt and inadequacy. As a mother, you have everything that a child needs. Motherhood can be challenging and difficult nonetheless its precious. Consider yourself lucky and enjoy the joys of motherhood.
Wonderful post. I remember how that kind of criticism from others crushed me when I was a young mother….even after all these years I can roll the episodes like a motion picture in my mind. Yes, the guilt must go – you are so right.