The truth of life is we all have to die one day. Our mortality is the only certainty in our uncertain lives. Still some deaths are more heartbreaking than the others. Nothing can be more devastating than losing a loved one to the monstrous suicide. Last week the famous chef and the host of Parts Unkown, the culinary god Anthony Bourdain committed suicide in his French Hotel. I have always been an ardent fan of cooking shows and Bourdain’s take on food and his humble style reckoned with me like nothing else. A few years ago, the great Robin Williams was found dead in his room apparently a suicide too. In my own family, I’ve been a witness to a suicide of an uncle and a dear pal. These untimely deaths left me bereaved and with several questions. According to a survey, there has been a staggering rise in the male suicides. Is there something going on with our men that we are unaware of?
Male Mental Health & Suicide
Before marriage men were always mythical creatures to me, raised by a single mother without any uncles around, for my comfort I had created an image of men in my mind; a knight in shining armor with a herculean body with only one emotion romance. Yes, as traditional and stereotypical it sounds I didn’t believe that men have emotions like women. Growing up I was told, men don’t cry, and they don’t feel pain. As I grew up and came in contact with real men not the figments of my imagination, I realized men have emotions too and some pretty intense emotions. They too sob in pillows, cry in pain and go through mood fluctuations. It was a revelation to me, and I am sure to many women out there. In the twenty-first century with ever-shifting roles, men are more prone to depression than women. The pressure to sustain a family coupled with an unimaginable pressure that modern society puts on men. I feel less has been done in the field of male psychology. There is no awareness and specific study on the male mental health.
Feminism began in 1920’s with a noble intention of ending subjugation of women. The suffragists went from pillar to post fighting for the equal rights for women. Although the fervor of feminism is still there, somewhere, I think we have missed the core purpose. The misplaced feminism has trivialized the issues of women by the mere bashing of men. I don’t think that the endeavor was to accuse the men of all the wrongs or to treat them unfairly. Gender equality is about ethics and fair treatment. However, in the contemporary world, it has been reduced to rumor mongering and mudslinging of the worst kind. I do believe that the early feminists wanted men to be an integral part of this great movement not to isolate them. What’s more surprising is the negative role of media which is trying to reinforce a misunderstood version of feminism. As a result, many men feel cornered and misrepresented. It is true that women are still not paid equally to men and in many parts, women are still denied basic rights, but that doesn’t mean that we end up punishing men who are good.
Perhaps it will always remain a mystery why someone ends up taking such a drastic step as suicide. It’s impossible to tell in some cases where the person showed no behavioral patterns or signs of depression. All we can do is to interact with our friends and family member on a daily basis and be watchful if there are some apparent signs. Also, most important let’s not corner anyone based on caste or gender. Men and women alike are equally susceptible of falling into the dark trenches of depression. As Milton rightly said, “mind can make a heaven out of hell and hell out of a heaven.”
22 thoughts on “The Epidemic Of Male Suicide In America”
i really like reading you tanya! but in between lines, there’s pain that you keep to yourself! i hope you’re well and taking care of yourself!
Thanks, for reading my poems, I am glad you like them. We all have some pains in our lives but I am doing very fine. Thanks for your concern, I truly appreciate it,
fine is never really fine! i know you’ve a lot to say! yet it remains unsaid!
Thats why poetry to say unsaid 🙂
it’s still unsaid, until your heart smiles, through these words that i found myself reading today!
umm, if you dont mind, can i ask you something personal?
are you like a single mom?
I am happily married to wonderful man
you don’t seem v happy, but i wish you all the best! you’re empty from the inside! anyway, please take care of yourself! you’re really lucky to be a mom, to a daughter who’d grow up to be as beautiful as you! may god bless you all!
Thanks a lot for your concern, and for the compliment:) have a good day
From early in life men are basically taught to not display their deep emotions.
If they are not taught this it is simply expected of them.
They are told to ‘be a man’. What the heck does that mean any way?
I won’t share my personal my personal experiences with suicide here. I do have a few.
This is a great post Tanya. thanks
Thank Eddie, I am glad you read it. I wrote it after some lingering sadness. Take Care
Tanya, you speak so many important truths in your post. I completely agree that there are harms that have come from radical feminism – both for men and women. Before I was called moma by three girls and three boys, I worked as a physician. Even though I was convinced that women could AND should have the same opportunities in education and career as men, I never called myself a feminist. Why? For the reasons you introduce. Being supportive of women simply cannot be done AT THE EXPENSE of men. And I agree with you that our modern feminist society seems to be diminishing boys and men more than supporting women. How can we possibly defend those actions??? (*ducking from the rotten tomatoes that are usually hurled at my unpopular opinion*….). 😉
Concerning male suicide, I think your question is worthy of quality medical research studies, and I hope those in the field are giving serious time and effort to find out the root causes.
Yesterday I read an eye-opening story in The New Yorker, “Death of a Revolutionary”, telling the story of Shulamyth Firestone, a radical feminist well-known in the 1960s and 1970s. It is very sad, but does lead into the questions you raise.
Again, thank you for your excellent and thought-provoking post. *saluting you with cheeky grin*
Thanks dear for reading it, truly appreciate it. I have noticed that more men are getting into depression than ever before. I’ve looked at my relationship with my husband too, am I expecting too much? I guess its imperative to look at our behaviors and as you have rightly said this epidemic needs some sort of study!
You can not raise the importance of women by diminishing men. Both women and men deserve their due respect 🙂
Completely agree! We are all too human. Treating others the way we want to be treated sounds so easy, but in our world is not so simple. We must always keep trying. 🙂
Absolutely both extreme conservatives and radical feminists reduce humans to punching bags!
I don’t fit in either category. Basically, I want to love all people, cultures, genders, skin tones, and other preferences equally and with a generous spirit. Most of us have more in common than our differences could ever shatter. I truly believe we are all children of God. Where I have a hard time is with those who are the abusers.
I believe the same, I guess more of us are in middle rather than on extreme left or right!